Tuesday 13 July 2010

~SELFISHNESS - THE SILENT DESTROYER OF RELATIONSHIPS!!!

I'm beginning to lose count of the number of marriages going on around me. News of "young ladies" getting married...and young men alike. Change of status, names and even lifestyle been effected as soon as the deal is signed...:-) And the singles now desperately searching for their "heartthrob". Beautiful isn't it?

But then, I look again at the world around me and the rate of divorces and broken relationships seem to be screaming at me like the sound of the ancient Church bells. Then I ask myself, why? Why do people who seem to be so "in love" end up breaking up? Why does it seem like the vows made at the altar are never kept? Alas, there's just one word screaming loud- SELFISHNESS!!!

SELFISHNESS! Yes, that's the word!!

So many people these days go into a relationship for the wrong reasons. If you're in a relationship...or seeking for one, I'll like you to ask yourself this question - Why am I in this? Why do I need this?? What are my motives? If you're going into, or are already in a relationship for the sake of fulfilling your needs, them I must tell you this - You're so wrong! Retrace you priorities, cause you're heading for a failure.

Recently, I came across this beautiful write-up by Tim LaHaye which dealt briefly on Selfishness. I must say, it gave me a wonderful perspective about different kinds of people and somehow I got to realize the answer to my question - Why do relationships/marriages fail? The success of any relationship/marriage is not as dependent on the amount of money the two people involved have, where they live, how good-looking they are or how much education they have as it is on how selfish the two in the relationship are.

According to LaHaye, nothing is more destructive to a marriage (or relationship) than selfishness..."I insist on having it my own way!", "I want the last word!"...those are the words (or silent thoughts) of a selfish person. Selfish people are rigid and intolerant to other people's desires and insensitive to others' needs or feelings. It is almost humanly impossible to love a compulsively selfish person.

Anybody considering marriage should carefully examine how his/her prospective partner treats others, especially family members. The way a person treats others is a very clear indication of how he/she will treat you or your family members when you have been joined in marital harmony.

Some people select a life partner for all the wrong reasons and introduce their selfish agenda into the new union, destroying interpersonal skills and soon erasing all feelings of love. Readiness for marriage is not directly dependent on age or physical maturity, it is dependent on maturity of the mind and spirit . "One is not old enough for matrimony until he or she is unselfish enough to think more of someone else's needs and desires than his or her own" - Tim LaHaye.

Mature individuals rarely divorce and usually enjoy a happy marriage, regardless of contrasting temperaments or other differences that may exist between them. Conflicts in taste or attitude do not destroy marital harmony, but expressions of selfishness often do.

Partnerships of all kinds can suffer from selfishness, Two people can start a business as equal partners and selfishness creeps in, turning best friends into worst enemies. They may claim their conflicts on "personality differences" or "philosophical differences", but the bottom-line problem is selfishness.

The degree to which individuals overcome selfishness determines the success and happiness of all their interpersonal relationships.

Selfishness is the silent destroyer of relationships. Let's learn to question our motives. Ask yourself  "What can I give into this relationship" rather than "What can I get from this relationship"! :-)

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" - Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV).