FEAR & ANXIETY

Have You ever developed a kind of feverish feeling when you begin to think that things are not working out the way you expected them to, or have you ever been in a situation where you are trying to get at something but it never really comes, or even it does, it doesn't come as quickly as you expected it? The last 2weeks was such a period for me. I looked forward to getting something, I waited for so...so long, but the more I waited, the more it seemed to elude me. This kind of situation is often referred to by some as FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.

I got so worried that I didn't know I had began to eat a lot!!! So funny, but yeah, it's very true...Before now, I lose appetite when I get worried, but this time around, it was different...he he :) I kept thinking, praying, trying to trust God, but at the same time I was getting a lot...lot confused coz i just couldn't stop thinking. Before I knew it, the scales shot up....I had gained about 4kg...out of nowhere...Phew!!! the food...yeah! the more I got worried, the more I tried to make myself feel okay...unconsciously doing this through snacking (a lot of Junks)!!!

When I realized I had gained a lot more weight, I decided to increase the number of times I work-out. This didn't really help much coz I was still down in the Valley.....thinking, pondering, worrying and feeling depressed.

Hmmm....you might be asking how did it end, or even has the worrying ended? Yeah! It did, and I thank God that it ended in the month of July. It was like a breakthrough for me when on the 30th of July, I received answers to my many questions. Like a flash of light, the answers came very early in the morning at about 7:47am. With a deep sigh of relief and with my heart leaping for Joy and my lips parting to scream the words "Thank You Lord!". It's really a testimony for me, coz this situation almost took my life. It was a matter of life and death...it involved choices.

The choices we make in life affect us a lot. And I've come to realize that what brings fear and anxiety most times is not what we cannot conquer, but it's the situations that we have the power to overcome, but find it difficult to make the CHOICES that will lead us to overcoming them.


NOTABLE QUOTES:

I have learned over the years that when one's mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear. - ROSA PARKS.

Worry gives a small thing a big shadow. - SWEDISH PROVERB.

I am not afraid of tomorrow, for I have seen yesterday and I love today. - WILLIAM ALLEN WHITE.

TOLERANCE - A necessary Virtue.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. So many events I witnessed lately have stirred up my thinking to a different level. Hmmm....I've really come to learn a lot about what it means to be tolerant.

Watz tolerance all about? Is it about accepting things that you feel comfortable with, or things that you do not feel comfortable with? Now, let's first see what the dictionary has to say about this.
TOLERANCE - a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward those whose opinions, practices, race, religion, nationality, etc., differ from one's own; freedom from bigotry.

I'll love to get more practical about this. How about walking into a public store, looking out to get a drink, you get a stare from everyone in there, because of the color of your skin, you're black, they are all white, brown skinned, or even red skinned. Then, one of them walks up to you, and spits a word to your face "Hey Negro, what the fuck d'u think u are doing here? U shouldn't be in here...or can't u see?" Then, the first impression you get is this: "Oh My God! Here comes a racist...." U feel like you should just thrust out ur right hand and plunge your fist into his face... :) :D, but all u do is stare right into his face and say "I'm sorry man, I never really thought that I shouldn't be in here....All I came here for is a can of Coke. Then he gives you a disgusting look and strolls straight away.

Does that sound bad enough? No, I don't think it does....Then here comes another.....U get to the bus stop, waiting to get a cab. U feel so tired, after a long day. There's a queue, then u stand right in the queue. The cabs come in their numbers, in a queue too, U wait until it gets to ur turn to get into one of the cabs. Here comes the cab you are to get into, u walk right to him, but before you even think of opening the door, he puts up his right hand in a gesture "NO!", then he picks up the next person on the queue(behind you) and drives on,leaving u speechless.... Luckily, u get a chance to get away with the next cab on the queue, and the thought of what happened never gets out of your mind.

Now does this sound bad enough? Hmmmmm.....U wake up on a very beautiful Sunday morning, get dressed to go to Church. As u are about to walk into the Church auditorium, a car speeds past u, and a man who seems to be as old as ur own grandfather sticks his head full of gray hairs out of the window and screams out his lungs "Fuck u Nigger!!!". Now u feel like u've had enough of it...U feel depressed even during Church service. Nothing really seems to matter anymore, except that u feel so much hate for the people around u who obviously have a different skin color from yours.

Now this is where tolerance comes in. These people have just acted in a very unfair manner to you. U feel like your world hates u because of the color of your skin, u feel they really do not know what u are worth....u wonder why u have to bear the shame and humiliation that resulted from the world wars and slavery that existed decades upon decades before u were even born....Hmmmm, U just feel like u should never really have anything to do with the likes of them. Here's where tolerance is needed most.

When U've been hurt because of other people's beliefs, religion, reaction to u e.t.c, u need tolerance to pull through. Without tolerance, it becomes so..so easy to hate a person...or even a group of people. You could just black-list them as a group u never want to associate with. It takes tolerance to look beyond a person's weakness, judgemental attitude or even humiliation u get from the person. Tolerance opens the way for love and friendliness. It even causes the one who has hurt you to begin to realize his/her faults. For those who are Christians, i guess the bible verse that says "Hatred stirs up strifes, but love covers a multitude of sins (Prov 10:12)" might ring a bell. If you show the person that no matter how they view you, u can still love them, then they'll see their wrongs, and begin to love you in return.

So, the next time you find yourself being humiliated because of the color of your skin, or because of who u are, or the social class you belong to, be still, don't get furious, don't react, just be still and love them in return. Show them that there's a lot to be done in the world than just being a racist or full of hate for a person.

MAKING CHOICES!!!

So many times, i find it difficult believing that I could do a lot of incredibly wrong things. The struggle to always be right appears to be as difficult as the word "struggle". Recently, i got to realize that there were areas of my life that needed to be looked into. Sometimes we just try to concentrate on our vertical relationships(God and ourselves), and forget about the horizontal one(others and ourselves) which in turn matters a lot. Areas like friendships seem not to matter so much until we see ourselves drifting so far...far away from who we really are. Did i hear someone say "Datz very true"?

Now to the main topic, what am i really talking about??? Ummmm.....How d'u feel when u find out that a decision u have just made is going to be very detrimental to you? It's not actually that u couldn't have thought of something better, but u just have to make the decision because u want to please the next person. Many will say "Every situation you find yourself in life is a product of the choices u make", Aye.....I concur to that, but one thing I've come to discover is that it's really difficult to make the right choices if u are surrounded by circumstances and a lot of people gearing you up to make the wrong choice.

Hmmm....Talking about choices, I really find out that I'm speechless at this point. Recently, I was faced with a situation that needed a YES or NO answer. My YES would mean a lot, and also would my NO. Both answers had a side effect i.e. I would definitely not be happy, either ways. Now, u can imagine what it would be like for me, a Dilemma i would call it. And guess what I did?...wonder if ur guess would be close to what it actually is. I gave a NO answer, and it brought me through a lot of trouble...at which point I had to give an affirmative. This didn't even help, it was a worse case.

Well......, I really can't say much here(coz certain issues should be kept personal)...lol....., but i must admit that I've still not recovered from the effect of my choice on this. I'm praying earnestly to God, and crying deep down in my heart, hoping that HE comes to my rescue, and save me from this terrible situation.


One word, if u find urself in a situation where u are forced to make a choice between two things, and there are side effects both ways, it's better to follow ur heart. If u feel u shouldn't give an answer, then i bet u, u just might be right to abstain. There's no point making a decision when u know that there are side effects both ways....especially when it is difficult to weigh the side effects. One very important and easy way to get out of this kind of situation is to PRAY!!!