~The Character Traits of a "Good Friend"! :-)

Do you have friends? Who are your friends??

How does one really get to know if a person should be classified as a friend? Who is a good friend? Who is a bad friend? These are questions that would often flood the mind of an individual who is out for the best in any friendship or relationship.

If you are familiar with any of the set of questions outlined above, I'm sure you'd agree with me that choosing and keeping the right friends can sometimes be a very tedious job to do.

Anywayz, here's some useful tips I got to figure out. It could help you know who exactly to call a Good Friend, or which kind of friendship or relationship you should keep away from. Yeah, it's a kinda long one, but please read to the end....trust me, you will not regret the fact that you did! I really learned a lot from it!! :-)

The Character Traits of a Good Friend (Culled From TSPOON93@aol.com)

Some may not realize that the traits of a good friend relate to the character of one’s mate, but a little reflection shows why this must be so. The breaking of the marriage covenant is a sin against a companion, a close and intimate friend.

That leaves the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God (Prov 2:17).
 
The term rendered “companion” here is used elsewhere (Prov 16:28; 17:9; Ps.55:13) for the closest of friends. If my mate is not a friend, what is she? And yet some have foolishly chosen to marry one who fails to qualify even as a friend. 

Here's a brief summary of the qualities of a good friend, drawn mostly from the book of Proverbs:

1. A GOOD FRIEND IS FAITHFUL. 

Fair weather friends are numerous, and Proverbs mentions these (Prov 14:20; 19:4,6,7). But a true friend is a person  who is still there even when the going gets tough.

A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity (Prov 17:17).

A man of many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Prov 18:24).

Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, And do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away (Prov 27:10).
 
2. A GOOD FRIEND REBUKES US WHEN NECESSARY.


There are things which may need to be said to a friend that are not easy to say. I am disappointed by the sentimentalism that pervades our friendships so that we flatter our friends when we need to frankly rebuke them. A true friend is the one who is honest enough to tell us what we need to hear, rather than to flatter us.

A man who flatters his neighbor Is spreading a net for his steps (Prov 29:5).

Better is open rebuke Than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy (Prov 27:5-6).

Why is it, then, that we seem to think that a wife should never criticize her husband? Is it not better to be corrected by our closest friend than by an enemy? Sometimes the kindest thing a wife can do for her husband is to tell him that his idea is absolutely ridiculous--in a gracious way, of course.

3. A GOOD FRIEND IS THOUGHTFUL AND TACTFUL. 

A good friend is sensitive to our needs and speaks in such a way that we are encouraged and enriched. His sensitivity is demonstrated in his understanding that gaiety and goodwill is not always appropriate nor appreciated. “It matters not only ‘what’ we say, but ‘how,’ ‘when’ and ‘why’ we say it.”

Like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar on soda, Is he who sings songs to a troubled heart (Prov 25:20).

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, It will be reckoned a curse to him (Prov 27:14).
 
4. A GOOD FRIEND SHARPENS US. 

Not only do we need to be criticized when necessary, but sometimes we need to be probed or stretched in our thinking. A good friend does not allow us to become intellectually stagnant, but prods us on to higher and greater thoughts.

Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another (Prov 27:17).

A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, But a man of understanding draws it out (Prov 20:5).

Isn’t this true to life? Don’t you seek to develop friendships with those who will challenge your thinking and present you with new avenues of thought? Why should one of these friends not be your mate?
 

5. A GOOD FRIEND OFFERS US WISE COUNSEL. 

Those whom we choose as friends should be marked by wisdom and thus have godly counsel to offer.

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend (Prov 27:9).

Think back for a moment to the account of David, Nabal, and Abigail in 1 Samuel 25. David was angered because of the ungracious words of Nabal to his young men. He was determined to wipe out every male in the house of Nabal (1 Sam 25:13,34). Abigail quickly formulated a plan to appease David’s anger and then spoke words of wise counsel, pointing out how detrimental David’s actions would be to his future rule as king (1 Sam 25:28-31). David’s reply indicates his appreciation of the wisdom of her words:

Then David said to Abigail, “Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me, and blessed be your discernment, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodshed, and from avenging myself by my own hand” (1 Sam. 25:32-33).
 
I would simply point out that David was indeed wise to marry a woman who could offer such wise counsel. And we would do well to marry one who offers wise counsel as well. Why is it, then, that husbands seem to think that the biblical instruction concerning the submission of the wife to her husband precludes her offering him wise counsel, if offered tactfully and in a submissive spirit? Let us learn from David and Abigail.

And that's all from me for now!!! 
xoxo.

~BEHIND EVERY SELFISH MAN, THERE IS AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN!!!

He's got a job, she's got a job;
His paid job ends at about 16:00hours, hers at 17:00hours,
but she has to be home before him...to make sure he feels welcomed when he gets back.

At the end of the month, they both get paid....
They have a joint account (thanks to him),
but He's not willing to let them make the budgets together...
"It's my job as the head of the family" he says.

She does all the house chores - cooks meals, does the dishes, bathes the kids.
Junior's diaper needs to be changed, and at the same time, she's trying to prepare dinner...
She calls out to him while cooking "Honey, could you please help me keep an eye on the food while I go change Junior's diaper?"
His response: "That's your job dear, I'm sorry this football match is a 'MUST WATCH' and I don't wanna miss out on any of this".

He loves to hang out with childhood friends,
but when it's time for them to be out together:
"We have already exceeded the budget for the month dear!", we can't afford that anymore.

Just wondering, how long will this last before she begins to feel like she has made the most dreadful, insensible decision in life? How long before she begins to think of existing on her own, having her own account, and maybe eventually leaving the home to settle on her own? How long???

Most men don't realize it until it goes way beyond control....
Funny thing is: symptoms of these traits can be seen while the young man is growing up (say in his teens/adulthood), and even in the early phases of a relationship (dating).
There's more to a relationship than people can see.

BEYOND EVERY SELFISH MAN, THERE IS AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN!!!

~WHAT DO WOMEN REALLY WANT?!?!?!

I've come across a lot of guys who keep asking this same question "What do women/girls/ladies really want?!...It's beginning to become a rhetorical one to them. So many times, I'm disappointed to see that some guys seem to be ready to know what women really want, but they don't seem to be patient enough to find out...Hmmm...If only they could be patient, it'll not be long before they really understand the woman they're dealing(or in love) with.

So really, what do women really want? I came across an article published by a dating site, and just thought I should share it here, for the sake of those who would love to know. I'll also share my opinion about these points made by them.

Here's the article:

Dating Tips: 9 Simple Things Women Want
By YourTango.com

Besides the meaning of life and the ingredients of hot dogs, many a man has questioned, "What exactly do women want?" We're not playing coy here, we know we're complex creatures. And, true, we operate on a different wavelength than men.

But women aren't exactly the great mystery that men often make us out to be. The proof? We polled the YourTango staff and compiled a list of 9 simple things women want. Note: you won't find diamond rings or other fancy things anywhere on this list. While many women really do want luxury goods from men, when you break it down they are just physical representations of some of the points on this list. We promise.

1. Respect. Show us through your actions that you respect our opinions, careers, interests, friends, bodies, and minds. You don't have to agree with all that we say or do, but try to honor our opinions as valuable contributions. Follow the golden rule and treat us as you would like to be treated: Be honest, fair, kind, and considerate.

2. Romance. It's another night on the couch with takeout and TiVo? Just because we're staying in doesn't mean the evening can't be romantic. Light a few candles and see where the night leads. Treat us like your girlfriend, even after we become your wife. Date nights, physical affection in the car, kissing like when we first started dating -- all of the things that made us fall in love with you don't have to stop just because now there are bills to pay, a house to be cleaned, and kids to be bathed. Bring home flowers for no reason. We're not talking $100 bouquets of roses here. Even the $10 bouquets from the supermarket are enough to make us smile.

3. Time. We understand relationships can't be all wine and roses; simply making the time to be with us and treating us like your top priority says "love" more than all the fancy gifts and lovely letters ever could. This includes helping around the house. The realities of a 21st-century relationship are that both partners probably work. If you happen to get home before we do, why not vacuum the living room or throw in a load of laundry? If you take the garbage out without being asked, chances are you'll be getting a big ole smooch when you come back.

4. Dinner. Of the homemade variety. You may not be good at cooking and you may not know how to boil water. But greeting us at the door after a long day with fish sticks (or whatever you can wrastle up) makes us swoon, because it shows that you've been thinking about us and our hectic day.

5. Communication. Women are vocal creatures. We know you love us, but it's nice to hear you say it, too. We can also be insecure. We wish we weren't, but the reality is that we often notice our wobbly thighs and forget about our gorgeous eyes. So let us know when you think we're hot. Tell us we're beautiful. It helps us feel good. Words of appreciation aren't half-bad either. Tell us you love the lasagna we made. Notice that we cleaned the bathtub. It doesn't have to be over the top, just let us know that you see the effort we put in, and you're grateful.

6. Consistency. This doesn't mean be boring and predictable. It means that we know you will (usually -- no one is perfect!) give us the love and support we need. Knowing that you're coming at this with the same desires and energy as we are goes a long way to making us feel secure.

7. Engagement. Of the mental kind, not the "I'm getting married in the morning" kind. You don't have to like everything we like (we might be a little concerned if you do), but showing interest in our passions, be it career-related, a sport, or a hobby, goes a long way. Listen when we talk to you. We're not speaking just so we can hear our own voice; we want to connect with you and this is one valuable way we do this. This also means paying attention to the little things. Whether it's the name of your best friend's husband or the fact that you hate Nicolas Cage movies, it's the little things you remember about us that's so endearing.

8. Humor and Humility. These two tend to go hand in hand. This doesn't mean that you have to crack jokes or entertain us, but just being able to laugh at yourself is enough. Guys who take themselves too seriously bring everyone down.

9. Challenge. Not the kind that makes a relationship constant work, but the good kind that surprises and motivates us to do, be, or achieve what we desire. Studies show that partners who prod each other to meet goals -- in other words, don't support lazy or bad habits -- are ultimately happier than those who don't hold each other accountable.

End of article
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So, what do I have to say about this?! I'll say it's perfectly true!!! I remember having a chit-chat with some of my male friends, and the issue of what women really want came up. Almost all of this 9points summarized above were mentioned to them(this was actually a long time ago, and this article wasn't yet published!!!). So guess this will go a long way to tell them that actually, women have a mind, and look forward to certain things in a relationship.

One more thing I'll like to add is this: Women want a man they can TRUST. Apart from being consistent, a woman wants to be able to trust her man, and also to be able to win his trust. I mean, what good is it if each time you see her with another guy, you begin to feel like she's cheating on you?! She on her own end will very much like to be sure that you aint doing anything ridiculous behind her back. Tell her everything she needs to know....Don't leave her always guessing the kind of person you are....If she sees that you tell her everything, she'll feel more comfortable telling you everything too. She should know your weaknesses and your strengths...Like, if you have a flare for beautiful ladies, she should know...Guess she'll be there to help you out on that, so you don't end up cheating on her....lol...


So for the guys out there, if you've been getting it all wrong in your relationship, or you are getting ready to be in one, this could be a good way to start. Try to see how you could inculcate these in your relationship and I bet you, you're going to have one of the best relationship ever.

I really am looking forward to seeing an article on "what men really want"...Guess we ladies are also oblivious of what guys really want. Anyone out there? Please, help out!!!


Okay, I'll stop here....Stay tuned!!!

~ UNFAITHFULNESS IN RELATIONSHIPS

A recent event got me wondering: "What would be my response if I realize that my spouse or boyfriend who I am so in love with is cheating on me?!" Hmm....difficult one right? That's how I feel too....I really can't tell what my response will be. God help me that I don't act on impulse....

Now, imagine what it would be like, you've been married to the "supposed" love of your life for 20years, and then just recently, you realize that he/she has been cheating on you. Damn! What a gruesome thing to do.....I just can't think of it....I mean it's normal to hear stories of unfaithfulness in relationships outside marriage, but when it comes to marriage...hmmm, I wonder if I can stand it....It'll really need a lot of God's grace!!!

Here's a recent story about a woman who poured boiling water on her unfaithful husband's crotch while he was asleep: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2009/07/28/2009-07-28_she_scalds_hubby_for_his_cheatin.html. Now, she did this at 6am, so I'm wondering, what on earth must have been going through her mind all night?! Come to think of it, they've been married for 20years, so that gets me thinking, has he been cheating on her all this while, or was it something he started to do recently?

I'm wondering, what is it that a woman would do that would make her husband cheat on her? Isn't she attractive enough? Has she not been available to him?! Hmmmm....questions upon questions flood my mind....Now I'm wondering what went through her mind before she chose to carry out such act on him. She's 67 years old, and should be a grand-mum already....wonder how old her hubby is that he should still be cheating.....

About her actions, I must say I can't really blame her.....I just really don't see the reason why a woman at 67 should allow her anger lead her to such revenge on a man she's been with for 20years. I can't say I blame her hubby for cheating on her, but I must say this story should be a lesson to other guys who think they can mess with their wives in such manner.....A woman's mind is flooded with thoughts each time, sometimes we don't have enough time to think of the consequences of our actions, before we carry them out (especially when it comes to things that really get us pissed).

For me, I'll keep praying to God to give me a man that will never think of cheating on me....Even if he did it when he wasn't married, it should not cross his mind when he now already has me in his arms....

PEACE!!!

~ LOVE OR INFATUATION?!?!?!

So I've been thinking, what does it really mean to be in love? I've really been doing a lot of thinking these days....I've watched my environment for a while, and a lot of things I see do not cease to amuse me...


What really is love about?!

Is love all about a feeling? Is it just about a feeling you have towards something attractive?

Is it just about seeing something u value in a person, and been drawn to the person because of that?

Is love conditional? Is it affected by distance?

Is love doubtful? Does it seem unsure of how it feels?

Is love selfish? Is it out to destroy?

Is love always demanding? Does it always seek to get something from the object of affection?

Hmmm...I really wonder....So many people think they know what love is all about, but I bet, you cannot completely define love, cos "what is good for the goose might not be good for the gander".

There's a story about G(x) who seems to be in a dilemma right now. G(x) appears to be in love with A(y) and B(y)...or at least that's what they both think....Funny thing is from the stand-point of others, G(x) is actually playing some games.....Now let's see what comes out of it.

G(x) shows affection to both A(y) and B(y).....whether the affection shown to both of them is equal is known to only G(x). Both fall for it, and are now moving in a cycle...To me, it seems like "chasing each other's asses"....lol....They move in a cycle, and G(x) stands at an end watching....Sometimes, they seem to come to their senses, at other times, they seem to get back into the "emotional roller coaster". Now, what annoys me most is the fact that it is beginning to seem like all people who fall into the same group as G(x) have the same character as G(x). Well, guess it'll take someone like G(x) but with a different mindset & character to proof them wrong!!!


Hmmm...Does any part of this story seem unclear....I guess u can picture what I'm trying to talk about.....All I can say is there is a difference between love and infatuation....The three are just been carried away in a wave of infatuation, but unfortunately interpreting it as love....


Okay, I'll stop here...Just my point of view from what I have seen so far.... I pray that A(y) and B(y) come to their senses, coz it seems to be getting too late...


I'm out!!!