~SELFISHNESS - THE SILENT DESTROYER OF RELATIONSHIPS!!!

I'm beginning to lose count of the number of marriages going on around me. News of "young ladies" getting married...and young men alike. Change of status, names and even lifestyle been effected as soon as the deal is signed...:-) And the singles now desperately searching for their "heartthrob". Beautiful isn't it?

But then, I look again at the world around me and the rate of divorces and broken relationships seem to be screaming at me like the sound of the ancient Church bells. Then I ask myself, why? Why do people who seem to be so "in love" end up breaking up? Why does it seem like the vows made at the altar are never kept? Alas, there's just one word screaming loud- SELFISHNESS!!!

SELFISHNESS! Yes, that's the word!!

So many people these days go into a relationship for the wrong reasons. If you're in a relationship...or seeking for one, I'll like you to ask yourself this question - Why am I in this? Why do I need this?? What are my motives? If you're going into, or are already in a relationship for the sake of fulfilling your needs, them I must tell you this - You're so wrong! Retrace you priorities, cause you're heading for a failure.

Recently, I came across this beautiful write-up by Tim LaHaye which dealt briefly on Selfishness. I must say, it gave me a wonderful perspective about different kinds of people and somehow I got to realize the answer to my question - Why do relationships/marriages fail? The success of any relationship/marriage is not as dependent on the amount of money the two people involved have, where they live, how good-looking they are or how much education they have as it is on how selfish the two in the relationship are.

According to LaHaye, nothing is more destructive to a marriage (or relationship) than selfishness..."I insist on having it my own way!", "I want the last word!"...those are the words (or silent thoughts) of a selfish person. Selfish people are rigid and intolerant to other people's desires and insensitive to others' needs or feelings. It is almost humanly impossible to love a compulsively selfish person.

Anybody considering marriage should carefully examine how his/her prospective partner treats others, especially family members. The way a person treats others is a very clear indication of how he/she will treat you or your family members when you have been joined in marital harmony.

Some people select a life partner for all the wrong reasons and introduce their selfish agenda into the new union, destroying interpersonal skills and soon erasing all feelings of love. Readiness for marriage is not directly dependent on age or physical maturity, it is dependent on maturity of the mind and spirit . "One is not old enough for matrimony until he or she is unselfish enough to think more of someone else's needs and desires than his or her own" - Tim LaHaye.

Mature individuals rarely divorce and usually enjoy a happy marriage, regardless of contrasting temperaments or other differences that may exist between them. Conflicts in taste or attitude do not destroy marital harmony, but expressions of selfishness often do.

Partnerships of all kinds can suffer from selfishness, Two people can start a business as equal partners and selfishness creeps in, turning best friends into worst enemies. They may claim their conflicts on "personality differences" or "philosophical differences", but the bottom-line problem is selfishness.

The degree to which individuals overcome selfishness determines the success and happiness of all their interpersonal relationships.

Selfishness is the silent destroyer of relationships. Let's learn to question our motives. Ask yourself  "What can I give into this relationship" rather than "What can I get from this relationship"! :-)

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" - Philippians 2:3-4 (NIV).

~WHO COMPARES TO YOU?

Break me Lord, till there's no more of me for the world to see...

Fill me Lord, that its all of You the world will see....

Direct my eyes to see things through Your eyes...

My mind to be set on things that are above, rather than on things that are here on earth....

For that which is on earth is temporal, while that which is above is eternal (2nd Cor 4:18).

I broke down while leading worship in service today. Not because the worship was so good, but because for a moment, I was totally awed by the sovereignty of God, and how much He has put in us to declare life into our lives.

Shared a bit about what God did for mum last week. I really don't want to remember how weak her voice sounded when she told me she was in pains; talking about her bleeding (as a result of suspected tumor/fibroid?), her not been able to go to the Hospital for check-up coz she couldn't sit at a place for long, etc. I remember how confused I felt last week Thursday while I spoke to her on the phone, and how the weakness of her voice kept ringing in my ears for the rest of the day.

It's amazing how all we need to do is declare a thing in the Name of Jesus according to God's will, and it will be done. I remember how all I could do was type a few words: "Mum, I trust God to ease your pains and heal you completely. I love you so much mum, you mean a lot to me. Praying for you!", and how depressed I felt for the rest of the day....But the God I serve, He answers prayers. The bleeding stopped the next day, the pains were gone, and she could even travel (driving on her own). Glory be to God!!

How wouldn't I be moved at how amazing my God is? How couldn't I be awed at how Magnificent He is. Couldn't hold back the tears when I shared a bit of this story while I led worship today. Indeed my God is awesome.

I've not been the best I should be for Him. I've not exactly done the right things, but He still answers my prayers.

Lord, who compares to You?

~JEHOVAH PERFECTO!

"I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread." (Ps 37:25).

Words are not enough to tell of His goodness....

Even the tears I shed don't express the JOY in me accurately.....

Indeed I can say He has been SO GOOD to me....

Indeed I can say His Will is Perfect....

Lord, I thank You  for this wonderful gift....

You've brought JOY to my Heart...

You've put a SONG on my Lips...

You are JEHOVAH PERFECTO!

The one who Perfects all that concerns me...

Some Trust in Chariots, and some in horses....but I TRUST IN THE NAME OF THE LORD my God! (Psalm 20:7)

Woohooo!!! I'm officially A GRADUATE of The University of Nottingham!!! 

PRAISE THE LORD!!!

~GETTING BACK MY REAL SELF!!!

It's amazing what life in Uni can do to a person. Can't believe I lost touch of my "reading" habit. Despite how hard it was for me to accept this, I got to realize recently that I was beginning to lose the interest that I once had in reading inspirational books, and aptly working towards personal development.

So, I decided that the period after final exams would be the best time to catch up on what I have lost so far. Made some interesting plans:

1. Get books to read.
2. Make sure I read them: At least one book in a week.
3. Make a journal on every inspiring word/message/information I come across.
4. Put what I have learnt - the positives - into practice.

The journey to fulfilling these plans began today. Had a date with Sis. Chai Hong of Kajang Assembly of God to get some books at the Christian Bookshops in Petaling Jaya. I must say it was a lovely trip.

1st stop - Luther Center

Never been to this place before...however, was told that there was a book sale going on there, so that would be a good stop. I later got to realize that the book sale was organized by a Christian Bookshop called Glad Sounds Sdn Bhd. The sales spot was in a room on the 3rd floor of the building, and would be going on until 20th June.

Was so excited once I got into the place. Lots of books to choose from, and at affordable prices too....Discounts for some items went as low as 70%. Couldn't just imagine. Well, I originally had two books in mind before I left home - Tim Lahaye's "Why you act the way you do", and Spirit-controlled temperament. However, when I stepped into the place, I began to pick others books which didn't yet include any of these two mentioned.

T'was quite exciting picking books, and seeing how much discount I'd get on them. Summary is, I ended up with 15 good books from 4 different genres (Prayer, Leadership/Business/Entrepreneurship, Relationships/Marriage, and Christian Living).

Next stop... Evangel Book Center. I browsed through their book stands. Saw some interesting books I'd have loved to pick up, but they were quite pricey and had no discounts on them. They had some wonderful biographies I really would like to have...especially the one by Elizabeth Elliot, two books by Francine Rivers - Scarlet thread and A Voice in the Wind...but they still were very pricey.

Last  stop...Salvation Bookshop. From my point of view, they didn't have much to offer. Only saw one book I loved...still pricey...Considering the fact that I had spent so much already in Luther Center for the 15 books I got...Well, I concluded that I'd better be content with what I had picked up so far...got to finish reading those ones first.

So, here begins my holiday....Lots to read, lots of new stuffs to learn...I'm excited. Today was indeed a wonderful day!!!

I owe my sincere thanks to Sis. Chai Hong.

~THE PERFECT GIFT!

Like a workman that earns His wages at the end of every job performed,

She waits to earn that which belongs to her.

She's been led to the gift shop,

to pick out that which best suits her.

There are a variety to choose from, 

In different forms - shapes, colors, sizes - they come.

She sees a gift She so admires, one she doesn't seem to be able to take her eyes off from...

But, Is that the best for her? 

Coz she's expected to choose that which is best for her. 

Then He says "If that's what you want, you can have it! ....the desires of your heart I'll let you have!"

And she turns, staring Him right in the face,

Oh, that look! It seemed more out of permissiveness than out of satisfaction....

Then loudly she said "Oh that! I'll pass",

Let's move on!!

Let's keep searching!!!

~The Character Traits of a "Good Friend"! :-)

Do you have friends? Who are your friends??

How does one really get to know if a person should be classified as a friend? Who is a good friend? Who is a bad friend? These are questions that would often flood the mind of an individual who is out for the best in any friendship or relationship.

If you are familiar with any of the set of questions outlined above, I'm sure you'd agree with me that choosing and keeping the right friends can sometimes be a very tedious job to do.

Anywayz, here's some useful tips I got to figure out. It could help you know who exactly to call a Good Friend, or which kind of friendship or relationship you should keep away from. Yeah, it's a kinda long one, but please read to the end....trust me, you will not regret the fact that you did! I really learned a lot from it!! :-)

The Character Traits of a Good Friend (Culled From TSPOON93@aol.com)

Some may not realize that the traits of a good friend relate to the character of one’s mate, but a little reflection shows why this must be so. The breaking of the marriage covenant is a sin against a companion, a close and intimate friend.

That leaves the companion of her youth, And forgets the covenant of her God (Prov 2:17).
 
The term rendered “companion” here is used elsewhere (Prov 16:28; 17:9; Ps.55:13) for the closest of friends. If my mate is not a friend, what is she? And yet some have foolishly chosen to marry one who fails to qualify even as a friend. 

Here's a brief summary of the qualities of a good friend, drawn mostly from the book of Proverbs:

1. A GOOD FRIEND IS FAITHFUL. 

Fair weather friends are numerous, and Proverbs mentions these (Prov 14:20; 19:4,6,7). But a true friend is a person  who is still there even when the going gets tough.

A friend loves at all times, And a brother is born for adversity (Prov 17:17).

A man of many friends comes to ruin, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Prov 18:24).

Do not forsake your own friend or your father’s friend, And do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity; Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother far away (Prov 27:10).
 
2. A GOOD FRIEND REBUKES US WHEN NECESSARY.


There are things which may need to be said to a friend that are not easy to say. I am disappointed by the sentimentalism that pervades our friendships so that we flatter our friends when we need to frankly rebuke them. A true friend is the one who is honest enough to tell us what we need to hear, rather than to flatter us.

A man who flatters his neighbor Is spreading a net for his steps (Prov 29:5).

Better is open rebuke Than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy (Prov 27:5-6).

Why is it, then, that we seem to think that a wife should never criticize her husband? Is it not better to be corrected by our closest friend than by an enemy? Sometimes the kindest thing a wife can do for her husband is to tell him that his idea is absolutely ridiculous--in a gracious way, of course.

3. A GOOD FRIEND IS THOUGHTFUL AND TACTFUL. 

A good friend is sensitive to our needs and speaks in such a way that we are encouraged and enriched. His sensitivity is demonstrated in his understanding that gaiety and goodwill is not always appropriate nor appreciated. “It matters not only ‘what’ we say, but ‘how,’ ‘when’ and ‘why’ we say it.”

Like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, or like vinegar on soda, Is he who sings songs to a troubled heart (Prov 25:20).

He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, It will be reckoned a curse to him (Prov 27:14).
 
4. A GOOD FRIEND SHARPENS US. 

Not only do we need to be criticized when necessary, but sometimes we need to be probed or stretched in our thinking. A good friend does not allow us to become intellectually stagnant, but prods us on to higher and greater thoughts.

Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another (Prov 27:17).

A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water, But a man of understanding draws it out (Prov 20:5).

Isn’t this true to life? Don’t you seek to develop friendships with those who will challenge your thinking and present you with new avenues of thought? Why should one of these friends not be your mate?
 

5. A GOOD FRIEND OFFERS US WISE COUNSEL. 

Those whom we choose as friends should be marked by wisdom and thus have godly counsel to offer.

Oil and perfume make the heart glad, So a man’s counsel is sweet to his friend (Prov 27:9).

Think back for a moment to the account of David, Nabal, and Abigail in 1 Samuel 25. David was angered because of the ungracious words of Nabal to his young men. He was determined to wipe out every male in the house of Nabal (1 Sam 25:13,34). Abigail quickly formulated a plan to appease David’s anger and then spoke words of wise counsel, pointing out how detrimental David’s actions would be to his future rule as king (1 Sam 25:28-31). David’s reply indicates his appreciation of the wisdom of her words:

Then David said to Abigail, “Blessed be the Lord God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me, and blessed be your discernment, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodshed, and from avenging myself by my own hand” (1 Sam. 25:32-33).
 
I would simply point out that David was indeed wise to marry a woman who could offer such wise counsel. And we would do well to marry one who offers wise counsel as well. Why is it, then, that husbands seem to think that the biblical instruction concerning the submission of the wife to her husband precludes her offering him wise counsel, if offered tactfully and in a submissive spirit? Let us learn from David and Abigail.

And that's all from me for now!!! 
xoxo.

~BEHIND EVERY SELFISH MAN, THERE IS AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN!!!

He's got a job, she's got a job;
His paid job ends at about 16:00hours, hers at 17:00hours,
but she has to be home before him...to make sure he feels welcomed when he gets back.

At the end of the month, they both get paid....
They have a joint account (thanks to him),
but He's not willing to let them make the budgets together...
"It's my job as the head of the family" he says.

She does all the house chores - cooks meals, does the dishes, bathes the kids.
Junior's diaper needs to be changed, and at the same time, she's trying to prepare dinner...
She calls out to him while cooking "Honey, could you please help me keep an eye on the food while I go change Junior's diaper?"
His response: "That's your job dear, I'm sorry this football match is a 'MUST WATCH' and I don't wanna miss out on any of this".

He loves to hang out with childhood friends,
but when it's time for them to be out together:
"We have already exceeded the budget for the month dear!", we can't afford that anymore.

Just wondering, how long will this last before she begins to feel like she has made the most dreadful, insensible decision in life? How long before she begins to think of existing on her own, having her own account, and maybe eventually leaving the home to settle on her own? How long???

Most men don't realize it until it goes way beyond control....
Funny thing is: symptoms of these traits can be seen while the young man is growing up (say in his teens/adulthood), and even in the early phases of a relationship (dating).
There's more to a relationship than people can see.

BEYOND EVERY SELFISH MAN, THERE IS AN INDEPENDENT WOMAN!!!

~THANK YOU LORD!!!

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." Isaiah 42:16.

                                   

Sweet Lord, I thank You for this day....for going before me, making every crooked path straight,

For granting me favour in Your sight, and in the sight of man.

You've been faithful Lord,

And FAITHFUL You have promised to remain.

My heart is filled with Joy Unspeakable!!!

Thank You Lord!!!

~10TH MAY!!!

How could I have forgotten a day as this? 10th of May....a very significant day. The day a husband, a father, a hero, a philanthropist.... a rare gem, was born.

Daddy, I still wish you were here with us....What a memorable day today would have been. All the same, I thank God for helping us get through it....The vacuum your demise created cannot be filled.

Though you've been gone for years now, memories of you are still fresh on my heart! Seems like yesterday I last saw you...I promise to make you proud daddy!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY! I'll ALWAYS Love You!!!

~THE BEGINNING OF THE END!

And so, today begins the end of my life as an Undergraduate. Final exams started today. It wasn't that bad, but wasn't as productive as I wanted coz I didn't have enough time to revise since I just handed in my thesis on Friday, plus I was kinda disturbed by flu (I still am though). Well, not to say that I feel disappointed though! God has it all in control....I know I'm STRONG!!!

Been thinking so much about what life would be like for me after now....can't still get a clear picture of it. Still trusting God. I know He has all things planned out! He makes all things beautiful in His time.

Just on the side, there's this interesting quote I got from a friend....I've decided to post it up here to remind all the ladies (and maybe guys) who'll stumble over this post, of what it takes to find the right person for you. It might not be a perfect quote, but it served as a reminder to me...some kinda caution and checks!

So here you go:

"Wait for the guy…
...who pursues you,
...who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person
...who makes you smile like no other and when he smiles, you know he NEEDS you.
...who wants to show you off to the world when you're wearing sweats and no make-up.

Wait for the guy...

...who'll put you at the centre of his universe...

...cos obviously, he's at the centre of yours"

 

Cool one huh? Datz what it takes to find real love people! Have you found yours?

xoxo.

~Partial fulfillment??

Partial Fulfillment huh? Well, it didn't seem like one....
I bless the Lord!

Just a reminder that the other "partial" aspect is yet to be fulfilled.

So help me God.

~SOMETHING ABOUT LOVE

Love is not manipulative...

it does not seek its own.

Where manipulation exists, love should be questioned.

Love is the reason Christ died...

Love is what I am called to show.

“Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.” - Ann Landers (American Advice Columnist, 1918-2002).

~DIMINISHING LOVE???

Sometime ago, the sight of you made my heart leap...

the mere thought of you brought a smile to my face...

your every word seemed to linger on my ears...

your face like a picture on the walls of my mind.

But now...I dunno how I feel...

thoughts of you bring this "uneasy" feeling...

hearing your voice makes me want to melt in anguish...

not sure if I can stand looking at your face.

Seems like a case of DIMINISHING LOVE.

~THE READING OF YOUR BIOGRAPHY

How will you feel if your biography is read in your presence?

How will you feel if a book containing all that you've ever done is opened...

and its contents read before you and many others with you?

Pause....think....will your goood deeds outweigh the bad....

and you be proud to hear/know that??

or will you be left with no choice than to bury your head....

and be saddened with regrets about the way you have lived??? 

Hmmmm....still thinking on this....really can't say!!!

~WHY I DO WHAT I DO!!!

I give...
Not because I want to be given back,
but because I see the need to do so.

I lend a helping hand...
Not because I want to be helped in return,
but because someone is in need of it.

I smile...
Not because I am in the mood to smile,
but because that smile might just be a "panacea" to a hurting heart.

I love...
Not because I want to be loved back,
but because it's my FATHER's nature,
The GREATEST GIFT OF ALL.

~MY NAME IS PRIDE!

My name is Pride. I am a Cheater.

I cheat you of your GOD-GIVEN DESTINY...
because you demand your own way.

I cheat you of CONTENTMENT...
because you "deserve better than this".

I cheat you of KNOWLEDGE ...
because you already know it all.

I cheat you of HEALING...
because you are too full of me to forgive.

I cheat you of HOLINESS...
because you refuse to admit when you're wrong.

I cheat you of VISION...
because you'd rather look in the mirror,
than look out a window.

I cheat you of GENUINE FRIENDSHIP...
because nobody's going to know the real you.

I cheat you of LOVE...
because real romance demands sacrifice.

I cheat you of GREATNESS IN HEAVEN...
because you refuse to wash another's feet on earth.

I cheat you of GOD'S GLORY.
because I convince you to seek your own.

My name is PRIDE. I am a CHEATER.

You like me because you think I'm always looking out for you.
Untrue.
I'm looking to make a fool of you.

God has so much for you, I admit, but don't worry.....
If you stick with me...You'll never know.

God's Wisdom transforms us from the inside out, and then through us, transforms the world!!!

Copyright TSPOON93@aol.com

~ TOSSED ABOUT BY INDIFFERENCE!!!

Oh yeah, it's been a really long while since I wrote something....I'm sitting right here in my room, trying to study, but it's quite unfortunate that I don't seem to feel the vibes for study right now. I'm reading about Motivation. It's one wonderful topic in a module I took up from The University of Nottingham School of Management....a year 1 module though! :-) Funny, I'm studying about motivation, yet I don't feel motivated to study....lol...Well, that's about my present mood!!!

So what about Indifference? What's this thing about Indifference I want to talk about? I was talking to a friend last time, who told me that I seem to act indifferent to certain things even when it's obvious that they bother me so much....Well, I really don't know how the chap came about such opinion about me, but one thing I know is that most times, when I try to make certain things work, and they seem not to be turning in the right direction, I tend to start ignoring them, acting like they never existed.

Call that escapism? Well, not exactly.....It's just like having a bump on your head, and trying to pretend that it isn't there....ignoring the pains when it comes up....like telling yourself "yes, I feel the pains, but I aint gonna respond"...lol....:P

Well, I know that by now, someone might be thinking "Okay, what on earth is she talking about?". What has all this talk got to do with the title of this post? Now, what I've been wondering is this: Does trying to ignore certain problems mean that you should see something wrong in yourself and refuse to change it? I get so pissed whenever I hear people say "That's me, I aint gonna change...there aint no changing me!!!".

For those reading, this might not make any sense to you but if there's anything you should keep in mind, it is this - Don't act indifferent about certain things about you that you obviously need to work on. It may be attitude, habits etc. Indifference works sometimes, but please...please, don't be tossed about by Indifference....Be sure of what you want to change, what you have to change, and maybe how you want to go about changing it. I'm sure the world would become a better place if every one of us tries to apply this to our lives....I'm doing the same on my end!!!

HAPPY LABOUR DAY!!!

UPDATES!! :-)

Yeaaahoooo!!!

I've been away for quite a long while....A lot has happened during this long while....I'm sure gonna be updating soon...For my ardent readers, you might not have to wait too long......Yeah, I've been bogged down with a lot for sometime now...Final year in Uni is sure no joke. Anywayz, I've decided for sure that I'm gonna be blogging for leisure...A sure way to keep the stress away, and satisfy my creative mind.

Stay tuned! :-)